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Re: The Past of the Future - Chapter 3
Now, for the review. :) "...before his legs started to liquidate." I think you meant liquify. In the second paragraph, where you mention Charlie and Phil talking as they dig ...
Sep 19, 2014 -
Re: Being Broken
I love this poem. Wow, it's just amazing. Maybe I like it because I've been broken. Anyway, about your poem. "Bone by bone, tendon by tendon, muscle by muscle." I ...
Nov 18, 2012 -
Re: of overrated sufism
Meh, we're poets, don't worry over sanity too much. (Otherwise you might well go insane from the stress of worrying over being insane) ;) Besides, sanity is a relative concept. ...
Nov 18, 2012 -
Re: Depersonalisation
This is pretty profound. You describe an unpleasant state of mind so poetically and specifically, yet still preserve the drifting, homeless vibe. From the beginning, when you go in a ...
Nov 30, 2011 -
Re: Battle Of The Hopeless (Chapter 5)
So, firstly, I haven't read the other chapters. (yet.) But, this seems pretty good, even standalone. I like Delem's tone, and your structure. It's very flowing and natural, and you ...
Nov 27, 2011 -
Re: Complexity of Death
This sounds pretty good, so far. Try to go a little more indepth, though. I'd love to feel more of what the character, Chloe, is feeling, thinking, more on her ...
Nov 25, 2011 -
Re: Because No One Loves an Ugly Girl Forever
First impressions: It different from most love poetry I've seen. Others tend to go all either "I hate him ex" or "I can't live without him" , and that tends ...
Nov 24, 2011 -
Re: A Brother's Love
This is amazing. For one, I don't tend to see too many stories on romance-y topics from a guy's point of view. Second, the whole idea, of a brother being ...
Nov 24, 2011 -
Re: Wanderer
This is amazing. I'm glad you're able to voice what's going on inside you through this, you definitely made it haunting. I'm not sure what a few of the lines ...
Sep 8, 2011 -
Re: The Human Invention as seen through the Eyes of F**k
You should use age, not aged, eighteen is one word, no hyphen (etc) Big tip: proofread. Especially when you're going to turn something in for a college assignment, proofread. Also, ...
Sep 8, 2011 -
Re: Empty Spaces
I like it. I think I prefer the first, as some of the rhymes, well, I don't know. Rhyme without meter is more difficult to appreciate, not to criticize your ...
Aug 12, 2011 -
Re: Twisted
Wow. This is amazing. I love poetry that's abstract like this (if that's the right term for it, I guess I'm thinking abstract like artwork). You pull it off much ...
Aug 12, 2011 -
Re: Barbara EDITED
This is amazing! I love the candid descriptions, idiosyncratic characters, Fischer mostly, and the mysterious, hard-eyed girl who shows up. Fears of rabid rats puts the horror on with a ...
Aug 12, 2011 -
Re: Dying at Dusk
It does have an interesting premise, I agree, but there are some major flaws that make it an overwhelming read. It's hard to concentrate on enjoying the plot for the ...
Jun 10, 2011 -
Re: Death's hand
Overall impression: pretty good! I like the imagery and the language is something along the lines of haunting. Criticisms: Line 4 of the first stanza doesn't make sense. Its syntax ...
May 30, 2011
